How To Deal With Passive Aggressive People – Are Nice People Weak?

Stoic Living - How To Deal With Passive Agressive PeopleMorning. Today I ran into a good thing that said, “Your next battle will be easier.” But prefaced by the idea that you fight the battle that’s in front of you right now.

A battle can be anything that involves conflict, right? It can be a workplace thing. Maybe a physical altercation. It can be a conversation with your partner. Whatever.

But the reason I ran into this idea is that is there a time to be bad? Is there a time for aggression? I’m at that chapter now, in The 50th Law, by Robert Greene and 50 Cent ( Amazon purchase link). So it is time to just write a few words.

How To Deal With Passive Aggressive People For Straight Forward People

The idea of drawing a line in the sand is important. As society progresses, physical altercations become less and less acceptable. And so, a lot of the aggression becomes passive aggression. This passive aggression is confusing for people surface level people like me.

You see this passive aggression, feel it in your gut, and you just kind of like, “Oh, okay,” and you assume the best, usually, from people. This passive aggression is kind of hard to understand and identify, and it can be applied to you until you reach this point, this nagging little point, where you’re like, “This is too far.” And then you end up exploding.

So the key to dealing with passive aggressive people is to recognize it early, draw a line in the sand and shut it down quick.

How do you do that? You remain calm and stoic. You make direct statements and questions and only except the same in return. No matter how uncomfortable it gets.

There is a time for aggression, but you must be smart about it. But with passive aggression, things become complicated with underhanded moves and talking behind people’s back. Straightforward people like myself often don’t get it.

Are People Seeing You As Weak?

Naive people can find themselves at the bottom of the food chain. They do the nice thing their whole life thinking that’s how things really work. But in reality, sometimes being nice is a sign of fear and weakness. Not always. Sometimes being nice means getting stepped on a lot as other people work their way up the success ladder.

Take the benign ruler. Maybe that’s the wrong word. Maybe a compassionate ruler. Let’s just say if you have a king, and the king fears nothing.

He fears nothing because his level of force that he can apply is high. So you have some good rulers, but you have a lot of bad rulers throughout history where if their exact whims weren’t met, that if they don’t get satisfied, they cut off someone’s head. They have absolutely no qualms about making things happen their way, because they have power. They have no fear.

Whereas for a servant or an employee at the bottom of the chain, you’ll see a lot of nodding, a lot of smiling, a lot of quick movement from them in order to make things happen. This, in hopes this will please the person above them.

Granted, most people want to do a good job given the chance. But the panicked action of pleasing comes from a fear, and that fear is from a lack of power that they could lose their job, or they could get in trouble. Take an employee, like in the trades, as you move up your levels of apprenticeship, you become a journeyman, then a foreman. You can see the difference in behavior as the level of power rises. Once power happens, people order others to do things and nice people comply.

Nice Can Be Strong

There is hope though. I’ve witnessed strong-willed people voice their opinion when a big ego orders them to do something counterproductive. I’ve watched them calmly hold their ground when the boss has a temper tantrum.

This is strength.

Agreement and niceness CAN come from fear. It can also come from power, but then it’s a choice. I’d like to hear what you think below. Is there a time for aggression?

Is there a place to be bad ethically, when you need to get what you want to happen? Like in nature? Or maybe there is no good and bad. It’s just a matter of, “There’s this much cat food left, and there are two cats,” kind of deal.

Lastly, are nice people that agree with everything and whom never make waves, just scared and powerless? All right. Let me know below. Bye.

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