How To Stop Being A People Pleaser Ignore The Opinions Of Others

how to stop being a people pleaser like a cat that doesnt careToday’s car philosophy time is about how to stop being a people pleaser. You must ignore the opinions of others. I’m sitting outside Pier One Imports right now, waiting for them to open. I’m dictating into my phone so this will be more raw than usual. Not really safe for work. To add your thoughts, comment below.This is actually the unedited rough first draft.

I thought I would have a little chat with you ’cause I heard something today that really was cool. That was, from Gary Vaynerchuk. He says so many cool things like sometimes, I guess when you hear things that apply to you sometimes, like you get called out on your own shit? You hear like, “That guy’s an asshole.” Those are probably the people you should be listening to sometimes, I think.

I don’t think. I know. If you have a lot of people waving your flag, you think you’re the best. You can go through life oblivious to the opportunities that are there for you, if you had only had someone be frank with you and tell you the truth.The only way you’re ever gonna break out of your habits that have you stuck in a rut, is if someone calls you on your shit. That always hurts. Otherwise, you just stay there wallowing around in it. I’m happy I ran into his podcast.

The only way you're ever gonna break out of your habits that have you stuck in a rut, is if someone calls you on your shit. Click To Tweet

The thing that he said that I thought was so cool was that a lot of people are unhappy because they value someone else’s opinion of them more than their own. I thought about that, because it’s true. If you’re a nice guy, you want to please people. That is a, man, I’d like to say a recipe for failure because if you’re always trying to please people you’re probably doing things that you don’t really want to do in the hopes that they will be happy with you and show you some sort of gratitude or appreciation or positive comments, or something like that, but inside you’re dying a little bit all the time.

Unless you’re doing it for yourself, because that’s something that you purely want to do. Let’s take for example here, I had a discussion the other day. You get sick of being nice sometimes because there’s so many assholes around, but there’s nice people too. But the thing is, let’s say you’re doing a job. ‘Cause I work in construction. A bunch of people need to use a certain part of real estate of the building. You’re like, “Oh well, I’ll accommodate you and I’ll do my work later. I’ll shift over to do this thing,” or something like that.

You make an exception to try to help them out. Then they’re like, they don’t even acknowledge that you did them a favor. Or let’s just say they’re like, “Well, do you actually do anything else here?” As if you don’t have any other work. The thing is, is inside you’re pissed because you thought you were doing a favor and you’re waiting for the kickback. You’re waiting for the, “Oh man, that’s cool! Thanks, that’s really awesome of you.”

You walk away all happy. Or you hold a door open for somebody. Then they walk through and they don’t say thank you. Or they’re like, “No thanks. I got it,” and you get angry. Why? Because you held the door open hoping to get a kickback. A kickback of the emotional dopamine or something that would make you feel worthy like you were doing a good job. As soon as you get to the point where you’re just like, you don’t care what your wife thinks of you that’s a tough one.

That’s a real tough one because, like I know for me that’s really big. Or you don’t care what your mom or your dad thinks of you. Or your children. If you are 100% solid on the fact that what you’re doing is right and you’re being the person that you want to be, and all those people can come to you and tell you you’re an asshole and you’re okay with it, then you’re free. You’re free. And that’s a big thing, but you’ll always be locked in a mental cage when you’re being tugged around by other people’s opinions of you.

That’s all I got. I think. It’s kind of profound though, I think. It’s about as profound as it gets, really. ‘Cause we’re all trapped in our brains. We’re all thinking, “What should I do here? What should I do here? What should I do here?” There’s a good quote, Epictetus? Epictitus? Epic, I’ll try to find the name for you. He’s a Stoic guy. Stoicism guy, but he said, “Until you have a judgment you will always be in mental,” I’m totally paraphrasing by the way. “Until you have a judgment on things you will always be locked in a sort of mental anguish tugged to and fro by popular opinion.”

I know that’s not the actual quote, but it’s something like that. What it means is, it’s funny because I read that early this morning and then I heard Gary V while I was driving. What it means is, is until you decide what’s right and wrong for you, you’re gonna be stuck in this purgatory of making decisions based on what’s going on around you and what public opinion is, what people think. Someone says this about that and you’re like, “Well yeah, I suppose that’s it too.” Then you go against your gut, then later you’re pissed with yourself because it turned out to be wrong.

You knew it. You knew you should have did it the other way. ‘Cause you’d learned it before. Your gut told you. That’s a big one. Fuckin’ hate that. I hate it when you know, let’s just say you’re puttin’ up this custom basketball net shot clock, as an example. Someone says, “You only need to paint one side ’cause that’s all that’s visible.” You go out and you paint one side. Inside you’re going, “I know now if you do it 100% you never have to go back and do anything later,” but you say, “Okay. Yeah. That’ll save us some time.”

Your gut told you. Sure as shit, 45 minutes later you realize that a part you didn’t know was showing is showing. You should have painted it and you get angry because you went against your gut feeling. You knew better. Experience had told you otherwise, but you were swayed by someone else’s opinion. How about this? You’re driving a lift and you need wooden boards underneath it to protect the surface underneath. You’re driving, you’re driving. Every day you haul out these 4 by 8 sheets. There’s ten of them and it just busts your back every day.

Today you know you only have to go a certain amount of distance, but the more boards you have, they’re there. Someone says, “Well, we only need four. Let’s save the effort.” You agree, and your gut told you that’s not how you always do it. What do you do? You get out there and you got to make a turn. It requires that you have six 4 by 8 sheets all laid out and then a running strip after. You end up going and getting the boards. It’s out of sync now, because you have to move the ladders that were on top of them and you knew it.

You knew it. And you went against yourself. You were swayed by opinion. That’s what the judgment means. Once you feel like you know what’s right about something, stick with it. You can be wrong. That’s fine. It’s as easy as saying, “I was wrong.” That doesn’t actually feel that bad. “Hey, Ray. You were wrong about this.” “Yeah. Yeah, I was.” But you know what sucks? Is when you were right and you let some other mother- guy, girl, tell you otherwise.

I like it. Let’s end it there. What do you think? Have you ever been right about something in your gut and you were swayed? Then you kicked your own ass later for not listening to yourself? Yeah. Have you ever let someone else’s opinion get you spun up in a mental anguish all day until finally, you’re waiting for some kind of closure where they’re like, “I’m sorry.” And you’re like, “Okay, everything’s better with my world now.” Trapped in your own mental fucking cage. Yep. Let me know. Bye.

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