Excerpt From The Book Chimera: The dilemma comes when one day you realize you’re an adult. Suddenly you have the realization that all of your childhood illusions should have by now taken place. It now seems that your whole precious experience has been a journey-and now you’re at the destination. Maybe you’re not sure this is where you really want to live.
These are just thoughts of an average man, things that trouble me from time to time and I wonder if the same thoughts nag other people, or if maybe I should just try to ignore my deeper thought and try to preoccupy myself with the mindless activities and social games that seem to prevail over everyone else’s minds.
I wonder if there is actually a just cause or a morality worth upholding and to what end. Who is capable of giving the reward for achieving the highest order?
Everything seems like a game of make believe, I cant really see the usefulness of anything except helping other people. Especially easing their suffering. Self interests seem to be based on the journey and destination road, i.e., you work hard and long (giving you a sense of purpose) then you succeed and feel great satisfaction for a while, but then the process is over and you have nothing to preoccupy your mind from the larger nagging inquiries of your now unfocused consciousness.
The same goes for when your happy. You shirk off deeper thoughts because everything is fine now, and you don’t want to deal with the larger issues. It’s like when your lying in bed and then bam, you realize that someday you will cease to exist, death. It freaks you out to the point of panic because there is nothing you can do about it. So you just try to preoccupy your mind with some other menial thought and hope you fall asleep. Sometimes in a way, life is nothing more than a distraction, an endless game of successive apprenticeships to different loyalties, used to avoid deeper issues.
Much time needs to be spent alone finding out what your own mind says and what your spirit is trying to guide you to do. To this point, sickness can be gift, for the fact that it causes you to stop and reevaluate life, a startling progress check.
Everyone at some point wants answers. The questions vary but all have the same theme. To what end are life’s activities? To be rich? To be held in high esteem? To be happy? To have a family? What is the ultimate goal to strive for? Lastly, whom are we trying to impress?
In the end, is a rich man less dead than a poor man? A wise man than an idiot? A president than peasant? So what does it really matter what you have accomplished in the end? Only that you where happy and helped while you were here.